So, the other day (Tuesday) I did something I have not done in a long time... I took a leap of faith, with little to no assurance that God would catch me, or at least provide a soft landing for me to land on. I made an attempt to get rid of an idol in my life which required cutting off one of my closest, and most valued friendships. I'm hoping this is just a temporary hiatus, but to be completely honest, I don't know how it will turn out. Again, this is where faith comes in.

Before I go any further, I guess I should define "idol" or the verb form "idolize" just so we are all on the same page. I think of an idol, or the act of idolizing something, as habitually putting that thing before God on your priority list. Pursuing God, seeking His will, and giving Him glory should be number one on our priority list, and if something consistently, or habitually comes before that, that item has become an idol. God's will, is His perfect plan for my individual life, as well has humanity as a whole. We have the option to not follow His will, and often have to actively seek out what His will may be, hence the need to pursue Him, and ask Him to reveal it. Giving Him glory is essentially giving God credit for anything beneficial that happens, and acknolowedging that whatever good outcome comes out, not of our own wisdom or intelligence, but His guidance and support when we need it. There are more definitions that I'm sure could be covered, but for now, I'm sure that will suffice. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

So, back to the reason for this post, my leap of faith. At some point, I can't say exactly when, my best friend became an idol to me. The only way to make something not an idol anymore, at least to my knowledge was to cut it out. I debated for a while and decided that the best thing to do was send this person an e-mail explaining what was going on, what I was going to do to fix it, and what I needed that person to do as well.

Still, even though I knew what I needed to do, I was still scared. But little things kept pointing to the need for me to tell this person what was going on, including he, himself, telling me to do what I knew what God was "telling" me to do (even though at this time he had no idea what that was or what it meant).

So, Monday night, in a fit of tears, I told him in a text that I was "going to do it. I was going to act out in faith, but I [didn't] think he would like what that [meant]" After a confused response from him, I assured him that I would explain everything in an e-mail the next day.

The e-mail I sent him was a long one, and I mean loooooooooooooong.  In it, I was completely honest and laid everything out on the table.  I told him what I had been doing as far as putting him before God, and what I was going do to fix it.  I also told him what I needed him to do.  I was really scared this whole time, and still am to some degree, that he was going to be really hurt, and/or upset about this whole deal.  Also, I was, and am still worried about losing my best friend.  I sent it to him not really knowing what to expect, just hoping that God was going to pull through for me.

Immediately after reading it, he sent me an IM saying thanks (why, he said "thanks" I'm not really sure....) and that he would send me a response later.  When I finally did get a reply, I had no idea what to expect.  I was hoping that he wasn't hurt, or overly upset about what I was going to do, and he didn't seem too offset.  He seemed surprised, yes, but not hurt and not angry.  As long as my email was to him, his response to me was even longer.  In it, he seemed very supportive and assured me that he would talk to some people (as I requested him to do so) and that he would pray for me, that God would draw me nearer to Him.  I was really glad to hear that part.

Now was the whole issue of God coming through for me.  There had been times before where I felt I had made a leap of faith, counting on God to help me through it, and I felt like He didn't.  (See my post The Power of Prayer)  Well, this time, He really has been pulling through for me.  There have been several requests I've fervently presented to Him, one of which has been to remind me that He's worth sacrificing anything/everything in order to follow Him, that includes friendships, as painful as that may be.  I've also been asking Him for female companionship, and to help me open up to other girls about what's going on.  Fortunately, He's been answering both of those requests, and more that I don't have time, or can't remember exactly what they were.  There have been several times, when I've wondered if what I'm doing is worth it, and I'll hear something on the radio, or a song or read something that reminds me of the majesty of God, how much He loves us, how big he is, or something like that.  There's also been several times when a girl (one of my girl friends) just happened to bump into me when I really needed that companionship.  Like yesterday, I was up on the 4th floor, where I NEVER go, and of of my girl friends from Revo happened to be up there too, and we talked for a while and it was great.  Last night I hung out with another friend for a while, which helped a lot, then spent some more time in the library until my AIM date with another friend.  (The AIM date is not a girl, but is one of my closest friends who no longer lives in the country.)  So yeah, there's a lot more I could say about how God is really pulling through for me, but I honestly cannot remember them.  I guess that means I really need to journal more so I can remember these things!