Belle

Yesterday was a long, rough day. It wasn't even classes or drama that made it rough, even though they certainly did not help. What made it rough was a phone call that came around 7:00 in the evening. I was in open lab working on a draping assignment and my mom calls. She asked me a bunch of weird questions that told me something was wrong. Finally, she told me that Belle, the family dog, died earlier that afternoon.

We got Belle as a puppy from a breeder near our home in Chalmers. She was a mixed breed of border collie (mom) and collie (dad). As she lived with us longer, we learned that she was terrified of thunderstorms, loved to play ball, hearded squirrels and kids in the neighborhood, and was very protective of my family, especailly Katie and me. Later that year, in late fall, early winter, we left for a family vacation to Florida to see my grandparents. When we left, the weather was still dry, and a few degrees above freezing. As is typical in Indiana, when we came back there was snow and ice everywhere. That was the first time Belle experienced ice. I remember laughing with my brother and sister as we watched her bolt out of the garage and slipped and slid down the icy driveway. I don't remember exactly, but I'm sure that being the loving affectionate family we were, we went down and got her from the end of the driveway and led her inside to warm her up and make sure there were no serious injuries.

The house in Chalmers was also where she became very afraid of any floors without carpet. A fear she never grew out of.

A few years later we moved from Chalmers to Anderson. We didn't have a fence at our new house yet, so we took Belle to my grandparents house, who lived nearby. She lived in a horse trailor for about a week, and got a taste of what life outside a fence was like.

After officially moving into our new home on Hartman Rd in Anderson, Belle had a whole new enviornment to explore and bark at. In fact, that's all she seemed to do for the first month or so. She still continued to bark at the cars speeding down Hartman and the neighbor kids playing badmitton.

A few more years past and my sister decided she wanted a dog of her own. After talking to my parents and convincing them that it was a good idea, they finally agreed and found an adorable little terrier puppy, soon to be named Tucker, and brought him home. Gone were Belle's days of being the only dog and the center of attention all the time. She adjusted well though, after nipping at Tucker a few times to make sure he knew that she was the alpha in that pack.

There was a big difference between how Belle felt towards Tucker, and how Tucker felt towards Belle. This was evidant when one of them would be gone for whatever reason, such as a vet appointment, or a meeting with the groomer. When Tucker was gone, Belle would sprawl out in the backyard and just enjoy the peace and quiet of having the backyard to herself again. Tucker on the other hand, when Belle was gone, would run to my parents room, where he could see the front driveway and lie there and with in anxious anticipation until Belle returned. We concluded that Belle thought of Tucker mostly as an annoyance she had to put up with, while Tucker thought of Belle as a big sister who would look out for him!

Fast forward another couple years and you'll find us in the midst of another move, this time, to another part of Anderson, but a much more rural part. Our new house had 7 whole acres for Belle and Tucker to explore. It also didn't have all the territorial bounderies that Belle and Tucker had disputes over with subtle growles and occasional nips at each other when they thought we weren't looking. They were able to start fresh, and because of that, they were able to tolerate each other more, er... Belle was able to tolerate Tucker more!

Just when she thought she was set in her ways, my brother decides he wants a dog of his own too! At first he was set on having a beagle, and only a beagle. But then we found a hound dog that needed a family or would be sent to the pound. Mike couldn't resist and he took the Tennessee hound dog instead. Belle was sitting on the hill looking at Tucker and the new roommate/yardmate romp together. You could see in her eyes "he's not staying... please tell me he's not staying..." But he was. Soon, Mike decided to name him Duke. She had to learn all over again to share what was once just hers and Tucker's, but this time it was easier, and before long, it didn't make much of a difference.

I don't really know what spurred this decision, but one day, we decided that Belle didn't need to live inside the fence with the boys, so she was allowed out, and permitted to roam free around the yard. At first the boys did not like it one bit, and she knew it! She would taunt them by walking near the fence so they could see her outside and they were stuck inside the fence!

Being out in the country, we soon had a pretty servere mouse problem. Since Duke and Tucker were both afraid of the tiny rodants, and Belle wasn't really close enough to the house enough to care, our solution was to get some cats to take care of the problem. At first the cats were afraid and skiddish around Belle, but then they realized that she just wanted to play with them, and they let her. She was, after all, a puppy at heart in a 15(ish) year-old dog's body.

She spent the last few years of her life roaming free around our property, playing with the cats, trying to heard them, and playing ball and frisbee with us whenever she could. Even though she had a hard time walking, let alone running, she still LOVED to play! Her body became older, and less agile, but her mentality remained that of a young puppy.

Belle was around 17 years old when she died. We don't know for sure, but we're pretty sure she was losing her hearing as we had to call her several times before she would respond, even when she was right in front of us. She had pretty severe artheritus in all her limbs which slowed her down considerably as she grew older. She was, however, still the happy puppy at heart we knew in Chalmers. The occasional glimpeses we were allowed of the puppy in her were rare, but valueable. She was a fighter and lived each day just as she would have if she were a puppy. She died peacefully in our front yard in one of her favorite spots to sunbathe when it was colder, and lie in the shade in the summer.

I miss you Belle!

Depression

Every year around this time something happens.  Many time's it's linked to fewer daylight hours each day, changing weather, and getting bogged down with various commitments with school, friends, family, and church.  It's easy to get overwhelmed when being pulled in 80 different directions with people and being the negative thinker I tend to be, it's easy to slip into depression.

One thing I've found to be very true this time of year, soon after the solstice, is that it takes a lot of energy to fight the onslaught of depression.  A lot of times, it takes more energy to fight it, than it would be to simply give into the pain.  Another thing that I've realized, fairly more recently, that I'm worth the fight against depression.  Last year I would have fought depression to a small degree, honestly thinking that I deserved to be depressed, and that no one would care or be affected by my depression.  What I now know is worlds different from what I used to believe.  I now know that when God says He loves me, He means it.  He doesn't mean it they way we do, where we'll say it, and throw the word "love" around so casually, without really understanding his meaning.  He really means it.  He loves me!  The creator and orchestrator of the universe loves me enough to take the time to count the number of hairs on my head.  (And he must do it often because I have a lot of hair, but I also shed a lot of hair!  Just check my hairbrush every morning!)

Knowing all this helps the fight, but it's still a fight.  It's still a fight because Satan knows my weak spots.  He knows where to hit me for maximum effect.  He knows how to wear me down and then back off, letting me think that I'm safe, so that I let my guard down, and then hit me like a mack truck.  He's smart, and he knows what hurts.  This does not negate the strength of God, however.  If anything it exemplifies it.  In scriptures is says that in our weakness, He is made strong.  I've never really understood that statement.  (2 Corinthians 12:9 BTW)  If asked to explain it, I would just be really quiet and hope someone else had an answer because I was clueless.  Now, I would explain it like this...  In areas that we are strong, or things that we are good at, it looks like it is us that's succeeding.  God's work in that area is overshadowed by our own glory.  However, in areas that we are weak, not-so-good, or not so talented, God has a chance to really shine and show His strength.

With me personally, I can think of two areas that I am weak in.  Obviously, there are many MANY more, but these are just big ones that are easily seen.  One is my fight against depression.  I'm not very good at it, and I give in easily.  The other is physical fitness.  Now, if all of the sudden I got really good in those areas, if depression was never a real fight for me, and if I suddenly had the discipline and desire to work out, eat right and get healthier, that would be a small testament to the abounding grace, and incredible strength of God.  That is because I don't have the strength to do that on my own.  I need all the help I can get.  More help than other people, even fellow brothers and sisters in Christ can give me.  Those are areas that only God can be truly effective in.

All in all, depression is a battle for me.  Joy is not easily found for me, and I'm sure it's not easy  for others as well.  But the battle is not too big for God.  God is bigger than depression.  God is bigger than the fight, He is bigger than the devil.  He will give you the strength to continue fighting the devil's blows.  He is crazy in love with us and wants to see us succeed.  All He asks in return is for us to be crazy in love with Him back, and worship Him and give me the glory He deserves.  Not an easy task for us, especially in our American culture, but it's the least that we can do!  

LT Reunion

So, last night there was a little LT reunion. Well, at least us Ball Staters had one. It would be kind of a long drive for a two hour reunion for the VT kids and WVU kids. It was really fun. Laid back. It was really nice to be reminded of all that God did for all of us over the summer. Especailly after these past few days, which have been really difficult, it was good to be reminded and encouraged of how good God is.

My mom is getting ready to go on a mission trip it Haiti on Saturday. She'll be there for a whole week. That sounds so long! Not really, but I am worried about her. Carl said it was kind of cute, the daughter being worried about mom instead of the other way around. I shouldn't be worried, I mean, she's going with a group in which, there are at least 3 people who have been there several times before, and others in the group have been there at least once. They'll watch out for her, but I'm still scared for my mommy!

So last night I had this whole list of things that I wanted to blog about, but for the life of me, I cannot remember what they are. I guess that's what I get for getting kicked out of the library. It closes at 3am, and I was there until 3 last night working on homework and various reading assignments.

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Ah! I remember something! A friend and I are doing devotions once a week together. Well, I guess it's more of a book study at this point. We're going through the book King of the Jews. It's a book about Jesus and putting Jesus in a Jewish light, because he was, after all, Jewish. In our culture and day and age, people tend to forget that little tid-bit. It's been absolutely fascinating reading this book about just how Jewish He really was. About how different things that seem so ambiguous to us today, made PERFECT sense the the Jews that actually listened to Jesus speak, and knew the cultural references He was using. My friend and I are sharing a book borrowed from another friend, and we're not even half-way through it, and he's ordered a copy for us to keep for ourselves, it's so good! Once we get our own copies, I plan on reading through the book again and underlining and making notes on what's really stuck out to me, which is a lot!

Well, that's it for now! Over and out.