Something Heavenly

I think God may have been trying to tell me something on my way back to Muncie from Anderson.  Twice, within about 20 minutes, I heard this song on the radio...

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

____________________________________________________

Over the past few weeks/month's, I've learned a lot about stuff that I thought I already knew.  Love and hate for example; I thought that neither one were emotions and that you could control them if you just tried hard enough.  Now I know it's not quite that simple.  Yes, there is some degree of choice to each, but there's also a degree of emotion.  It's not so easy to control either one when faced with such an emotional overload.

What I think God was trying to tell me while driving back to Muncie, is to let go to the love/hate maelstrom that's been raging inside me.  Knowing me, it will be hard to let it go, just because I tend to cling to emotions.  I'm not saying that I'm emo or anything, I just tend to be very apathetic about things, so when I do have an emotional response to something, I tend to cling to that emotion, that feeling, that presents itself so rarely.  More than that though, I just have a hard time letting go, letting God take control because I like to have control.  I don't mind advice and guidance, but I have a hard time just letting go of the reins and let someone else drive.

Anyway, I digress... sort of... So yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to attempt to let go of what's been going on, and surrender.  I know I've always had a hard time with this in the past, and that will probably hold true now.  I don't really know what else to say, so please just be praying for me and let me know what you need prayer for as well!

Roommates, Money, Classes, and Boys

I can't believe it's almost been a month since I've written anything on here.  Not that it really makes much of a difference, I don't think many people read this anyway.  Those of you who do, thanks for your undying devotion!

Okay, so maybe it hasn't been a month, but it seems like it has been.  The past few weeks have been hard.  Between roommate problems, financial stresses, class load, and heartbreak, it's been hard to be cheerful and happy.

I think one of my roommates and I officially are not speaking.  I shake my head at the whole thing because my other two roommates and I all get along great.  We all take from each other, but we all give back too.  We work together on things and if we get mad at each other, we talk about it and work it out.  With the one with whom I'm not speaking, it seems like I give and give and give but never get anything back.  I tried talking to her about what's been bothering me, and granted I could have gone about it better, but even when I do try to talk to her kindly about what's going on, the wall, and the defenses go up, and nothing gets through.  The only thing I get out out of her are angry comebacks and stinging comments.  I tried to be nice about it this time, but I was so tired of dealing with it, and knowing how she was going to react, the patience did not last long.

I've been trying to find a job since getting back from LT.  I really thought that it would not be that hard to get a job, especailly in a grocery store since I had deli experience, and I would have all these amazing references of people who I had worked with, but I did have a hard time.  I applied all over Muncie, anywhere that had applications, and for weeks on one called me back, even after repeated follow-up calls from me.  Finally I went around again, this time offering seasonal help.  Lane Bryant finally called me back and offered me an interview.  The interview went well, but they were in no hurry to call me back and hire me.  After two weeks of hounding them about hiring me, they called me in to get me into the system, I asked when they would schedule me, and they said probably not until the day after thanksgiving.   Grrrr.... so my financial woes are not over yet....

Classes are going well.  It's stressful though because it's getting to the end of the year, and the work is piling up as far as final projects go.  There is one class in particular, I'm not sure if we're going to have time for a final project.  We should have started it two weeks ago, but we haven't even talked about it, and we have another assignment due at the beginning of december, which will leave us two weeks for a final project...  Ahhhhhhh......

Last but certainly not least is the issue of heartbreak.  So, there was this guy that I really REALLY liked that I met at LT.  I wasn't attracted to him at first, just because I barely knew him.  I'm not usually attracted to people right off the bat, but over time, I grow to like them.  This is what happened with him.  As I got to know him, I started to like him.  REALLY LIKE him.  The attraction grew for a while, then suddenly, I got over it.  I didn't dislike him, I still thought of him as a friend, but I wasn't attracted to him for a while.  After a few weeks though, the attraction came back, and it came back with a vengeance!  It never died this time.  About two month's after LT I told him that I liked him, hoping that he reciprocated those feelings.  After a month of no feedback, I brought it up again.  It turns out that he does not like me, and the next few days, even now, have been hard.  I really thought that he did like me, but I guess not.  I hope we can still be friends.  I think we can anyway, I'll just need time.

Anyway, so that's my life in a nutshell.  Prayers/words of encouragement would be appreciated!  Let me know what you need prayer for too!

Love