There have been several blogs that I have written in the month since my last post, but for one reason or another, I have deemed them too personal to publish.
A lot has been happening. Well, maybe not a lot, but enough to make the last month a long one. The most notable issue, being the loss of one of my best friends. I'm not exactly sure what happened, suffice to say that we got in a pretty big fight, and hurtful comments were thrown around on both sides, so no, I am not completely innocent in the situation. Nevertheless, my trust in this person has been broken.
I thought that because of that situation, my trust issues, and my walls were going to come back with vengeance, and that I would have an even harder time trusting people, especially girls, which is already a huge struggle I have. The trust issues, did come back, but not in the way I thought they would. I thought it would be women in general I would have a hard time trusting, but instead, it was the people I had already let in. The people who had already earned my trust that I had a hard time believing they would not use that trust and confidence against me.
This past weekend was Revo's annual Women's Retreat. This year, the theme was "Breaking Down Walls". Ironic, I know... I didn't really know what to expect going into this retreat, or if God would even show up, but as God seems to like to do, he proved me wrong. Leah Chandler talked about Joshua, and the toppling of the fortress city of Jericho. We focused on Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
During our quiet time on Saturday before lunch, I continued my devotions in Genesis. I'm reading about Joseph now, which is a story that I am intimately familiar with, but I read anyway, despite the temptation to skip over it. That day I was reading about when Joseph was in Potipher's house, and was framed by Potipher's wife, who was accusing him of attempted rape. Of course, Potipher threw Joseph in prison.
I was thinking about what Joseph may have been thinking about in that underground prison... how every time he hits a new low, as soon as things look up, the new low reaches even lower. Think about it, he had been taken by his brothers, thrown in a pit and left for dead, then they brought him out only to sell him into slavery. He was purchased by an Egyptian, and as soon as Joseph had gained the Egyptians trust, the wife falsely accuses him of trying to sleep with her, then he's thrown into prison! I can just picture Joseph praying to God in that cell "Where are you? Why did you allow this? Why is this happening?" because we know, Joseph didn't go to Sunday school with us, he doesn't know what's going to happen next, and the position of power he will soon be in. All he knows is that his family betrayed him, is employer/owner threw him out, and now he's sitting in a deep, dark, damp prison in a foreign land, wondering what's going to go wrong next. I can just see God, whispering in His infamously still small voice... "I'm not done with you yet, I'm still writing your story, just trust me and don't give up... be strong and courageous..."
I was amazed at how this story, that I've heard since I was a little kid, could still effect me and help me this much. As hard as the past few weeks/month's have been, I'm going to try to be strong and courageous with God's help. I'm going to trust that he's still writing my story, and I'm not going to give up.
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