Loneliness

Today was kind of a weird day.  Earlier I tweeted that I was bitten by the lonely bug, and I really feel like I was.

Usually when I'm in a mood like this, I either want to be with people, or I want to be completely alone.  Today, I wanted neither.  When I was around my family and people at church, I was annoyed and irritable and just wanted to be left alone, and when I was alone, I felt extremely lonely and depressed.

The other day I wrote a blog (that I later later took down) about how there's nothing I get really excited about anymore.  While at BSU, the events I got most excited about centered around the relationships I had with the people I was going to interact with.  I don't really have many friendships now.  Sure there are lots people I interact with, family members, co-workers, other people at church and so on.


Lots of people I interact with, but very few "friends".  I know it sounds cliche, but I really do feel extremely alone despite being surrounded by all these people.

There are 3 people that I love spending time with and talking to.  Three extremely busy people.  One of these people has been one of my best friends for the better part of two years, the other two, I've only recently met, but they've already made a huge impact on me.  There are other people that I love as well, and we used to be very close, but we've drifted apart since college.  It sucks, I wish we were as close as we used to be, but living an hour and two hours apart makes it pretty hard.

I really long for the connections I had at the Revolution and BSU, but it's really hard to maintain those friendships outside college, I'm finding.

Fairly soon I was going to try going to a different church.  Not because I don't like the church or the people at Florida Station, but I want to try somewhere with solid teaching and worship and (hopefully) people my own age that I can hang out with and relate to.  (I just hope that's not too much to ask for!)

I was going to wait until towards the end of next month to try other churches, and I probably still will, but I may move that up and start looking sooner.  I don't know, we'll see.