Okay, so maybe hate is a strong word, but you can't deny there is a tension between these two groups of believers.
When you put a bunch of Christians in a room together, a lot of disagreements can occur, but few will be as heated as the argument of predestination (Calvinism) or free-will (Arminianism). The doctrines themselves are a big deal, granted, but I wonder if they are a big enough to get as worked up about them as people do.
I have a few ideas as to why this may be so. The biggest is how people who believe these different doctrines view and think of God. Calvinists tend to see God as sovereign and majestic, sometimes at the expense of loving and gracious, and Armenians vice versa. Another thing that tends to differentiate between the two camps is how church is run. The former camp is usually much more structured and traditional, and the latter is more commonly more flexible and changing. Calvinists also are more known for sticking to older and more traditional beliefs while Armenians can keep the same beliefs, but are often coming up with different ways to explaining them.
When asked to describe God, many Calvinists will start with "God is sovereign... majestic... powerful... mighty..." and so on and so forth. They will go on to say how God doesn't have to answer to anyone for anything, that He is beyond understanding. They will usually admit that He is loving, forgiving and faithful, but only after they talk about His might. Calvinists are also more apt to point out the vengeful and wrathful side of God than their Arminian brothers and sisters.
Arminians usually start off saying that God is love, that He is faithful and gracious, forgiving and just. They describe God as a sort of grandfather figure that you can run to and sit on his lap and laugh, or cry, or do what you need to. Some even go so far as thinking of God as a genie to present prayer requests to and He will then give you what you want or need. (This train of thought is usually more below the surface and the individuals don't even realize it until it is pointed to them.)
Another major difference that is typical of Calvinists and Arminians is church structure, and how church is run. Calvinists seem to be more rooted in tradition and have a more rigid structure to their Sunday service. This can come across to Arminians as a worship of structure and tradition rather than God at worst, and dry, stale going-though-the-motions-without-a-real-relationship-with-God at best. Arminians are often much more flexible and changing in everything from worship songs, to the order of service, to who preaches and how it's done. This can be seen as a way to let heretics and false teaching into the church under a guise of being relevant and culturally sensitive in efforts of helping the lost become found.
Calvinists tend to be much more informed about the scriptures and how to interpret them from the church rather than their own personal Bible studies. In general, elders and teachers don't try to water down teachings for the sake of newer believers. The price of this can be a church seemingly unapproachable to new believers who have not grown up in the church and are not familiar with the terms and concepts they will encounter during their first few weeks. They will usually try to counter this by having introductory Sunday School classes, or by meeting with newer believers either one on one, or in small group settings to introduce them to these new concepts.
Arminians tend to do the opposite. Larger meetings, such as Sunday church services, are typically more rudimentary in nature, for the sake of new and young believers in the congregation. Deeper conversations on scripture and their interpretation are usually held on a much more personal level between believers and elders of the church when possible. The price of this can be members of the congregation falsely interpreting passages because they are not in the presence of someone who is more familiar with the passage, the context, both of the surrounding texts, and of the historical culture. Another issue with this is that members of the Arminian congregation may not know how to study and read the text beyond the surface value. They may not even know that deeper studies of the text are available.
All this to say that I don't think it is the doctrines themselves that cause the divide amongst Christians, but rather, the many things that are associated with them, a few of which are mentioned here. Different traditions followed, and lenses the world, and the holy scriptures are seen through. Everything I've said in this post are generalizations I've noticed about the different sects, and I realize there will be exceptions to just about everything stated. I've grown up with the Arminian camp, and have recently been introduced the the Calvinist view and more recently found that it is the more Biblicaly sound, and true of the two. While I am still wrestling with some aspects, I do now consider myself Reformed, and thus, Calvinist, as one of my previous posts explain, so hopefully I can offer an accurate description of both groups, but if there are any glaring errors, please let me know!
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